That guy

There is one in every large group of guys, especially if that group is formed because of something that involves the internet. I am of course talking about "that guy." In RSE Jarg0n (with a zero) is that guy. (He corrects himself below so make sure you read the comments) Things had slowed way down in the hole, Nic and his boys had all but completely vacated their hole, hoping that I would grow tired of camping an empty hole. In truth there was plenty to kill in the neighboring holes and the time I spent active was more than successful, I'll spare you the boring details on all the mining barges and haulers I killed during that time. I was lucky enough to be on holiday break from work during this whole time, with the wife and kids away at work/school I had all day to terrorize these guys while I watched LOST (its a long show). On about the fifth day Jarg0n and Nic were back in the hole up to their normal baiting techniques, none of which were note worthy. I assume they were convinced that I was afk because Jarg0n warped to a safe spot and started probing in a Zephyr. I killed it and his pod and sent him the usual email:

Greetings,
Ritual Suicide is pleased to announce we have dispatched a field agent, Genocide Machine, to WH system J210355 and its neighboring systems. He has been very successful in eliminating unliscenced pilots. Operating liscences are available for 100M per corporation. Your corporation has been assesses a 30M late payment fee bringing the total due to 130M, which is payable directly to your local field agent, Genocide Machine. Upon payment your field agent will be relocated to another wormhole system to continue the good fight against unliscensed wormhole operations. Until the fee is paid your field agent will remain in your wormhole. We know that you have a choice when it comes to operating liscense providers and we thank you for choosing Ritual Suicide.
Happy Holidays,
Ritual Suicide

Now I agree that this kind of email is a bit of a slap in the face, but I do think it is at least slightly funny and better than just sending them hate mail about if they don't pay up I'm gonna bomb them back to the stone age. Jarg0n sends back this:

I think you should fire your QA guy.
license
• verb - 1) grant a licence to. 2) authorize.
licence
• noun - 1) a permit from an authority to own or use something, do a particular thing, or carry on a trade. 2) a writer’s or artist’s conventional freedom to deviate from facts or accepted rules. 3) freedom to behave without restraint.
I hope this brief lesson in the English language aids in the effectiveness of your communiqué in your future endeavours, instead of making you sound like an illiterate moron.
Good luck!
P.S. English language tuition fees amount to 130m, I may be willing to exchange this fee for one of your 'liscences'.

Now I thought that the vast majority of that email was pretty funny and well deserved, but "illiterate moron." Really? We had such civil exchanges up until this point and you come back with this? I misspell one word and I'm an illiterate moron? Are you sure that you weren't just upset about me blowing up your limited edition ship and then podding you? I replied:

Thank you, he has been replaced.

Nic if you ever read this, I recommend putting Jarg0n on a tighter leash, that is the kind of shit that gets Dreads dropped on you. Not by me of course, flying capital ships, like POS maintenance, sounds like pure drivel. Now in honor of Jarg0n I promise not to check any of my posts all that closely for grammatical errors, please feel free to point out all my mistakes as a comment in this post, making sure you call me an illiterate moron. Trust me it won't take you long to find one. The whole time it was never about the ransom money, quite frankly I don't really need the money, I'm already flying my dream ship, it was about the power that I wielded over this poor corp. Jarg0n's reply cemented that this would end in one of three ways: 1) They paid. 2) They took their tower down and left.(with me harassing them the whole time) 3) They killed so many of my stealth bombers that I was unable to buy any more and thus would be forced to leave. I would find out the exciting end in just a couple days. Of course the real kicker, is that Jarg0n is arguably wrong, you see license is spelled differently depending on where you are from. In America we spell the noun license, but in the UK they spell it licence.