Hank killed Hitler

Although I played EVE for a long time before turning to WH PVP, I essentially grew up in WHs at least it feels like it. I’ve done the 0.0 thing and even tried low sec camping, but no where have I felt more comfortable than WHs, in fact I don’t even get the shakes any more when I decloak and engage. I used to literally get so cold when I engaged people I had to wear giant hoody sweatshirts and my hand still felt like ice. My body was going into minor shock from the fight or flight instinct. Shock… from an internet spaceship game! That’s why I loved it and I still do even though I don’t get the rush any more. I used to scream into the mic at my wingmen, hurriedly passing information, but now I calmly (sort of) pass clear concise orders (sometimes). I used to be in mortal fear of losing my bomber, but now I have stock piles of pvp ships, of just about every build, including two fitted bombers and 7 extra Domination Launchers I found at a good price. Every time I log on I have a small fleet of RL friends ready to jump into any wormhole I point too. Nerbert has even become essentially my equal and I often follow him into holes.
Despite all of this, what I do is virtually the same thing over and over and because of that the stories are drying up. For the time being I plan on putting up a few posts, but I have a sneaking suspicion that Confessions is drawing to a close. Until that day, lets take another look into what makes me tick.

A few nights ago Nerbert and I were out doing the usual roam, when I caught a Viator on scan. First we thought it was doing PI in the unk system we were in, but I quickly devised that it was actually deconstructing the tower in the system next door. The best part, the tower had 18 minutes to unanchor. We settled in, got some beers, and waited for the fireworks. About thirty seconds after the timer expired he uncloaked on top of the tower and we made short work of him, including his pod. Now the unfortunate thing was that in the flurry of clicking I went to close on the wreck to loot it, but instead targeted it. That normally wouldn’t be a problem except my missiles were activated from trying to shoot his pod. You all know how that ends, the wreck along with the large tower in its hold was space dust. After our little debacle he convo’d Nerbert and proceeded to mock us because we could have ransomed his pod for 350M. I’m sorry I can’t hear you, all that static from hi sec must be interfering. Don’t get me wrong, I love isk, and I try to get as much of it as I can, but what would I do with it; I’d buy a totally pimped out bomber and go gank people in wormholes with it, that’s what I’d do. Well I have two and I got 7 KMs that night, life is good.

The other notable story from the night was this drake. Quite honestly the KM is enough of a story, but some explanation should save this guy from future humiliation. He was using this drake as a Swiss army knife for his loki in the hole. Believe it or not those stupid ECMs were working like a charm. I did however manage to kill the drake with the loki buzzing around me like a big angry gnat. I really had no choice cause I was warp disrupted. The loki was a different story, we engaged a few times at the hole, but I could not manage to break his tank in my ‘phoon.

We killed this looter while six or seven guys watched, it was awesome, just like all the other looters I’ve killed under peoples noses, like this one a few days later. Yes thats three t2 rigs.

Tonight we stumbled upon two miners at work in a hole. Club Williams our up and coming bomber pilot was out for his second night. After we popped them and one of the pods they convo’d us in local. Typically I’d give a little advise or commentary, but its all in the convo already, I laid it on pretty thick.

Renturu > Wow! for new guys with positive standings... you really know how to pop a mining barge
Renturu > Try a couple of command ships and T3s
Genocide Forge > lol.... you should check killboards and bios before speaking
Renturu > Check out Bryan Havoc then
Renturu > Asshat
Genocide Forge > im sorry i thought you were accusing me of being a newb, not the other way around
Genocide Forge > i never identified you as a newb
Renturu > I know your not
Genocide Forge > or your friend or whatever
Renturu > np
Genocide Forge > cool
Renturu > club is though
Genocide Forge > yeah we all start somewhere
Renturu > hehe
Genocide Forge > hes not doing too bad either
Renturu > what is yoru corps goal?
Genocide Forge > this
Renturu > ahhh
Genocide Forge > if you had been in the loki we would have gotten that... porbably
Renturu > you know. this is noty a heavyaction site
Renturu > For this time of day anyway
Genocide Forge > it was a minute ago
Renturu > until the russians come on
Genocide Forge > yeah well we would typically head on, bt then you got in a t3 and cloaked up
Renturu > docked atm
Renturu > ty
Genocide Forge > so you know what that means... bigger ships and more people
Renturu > they own this site btw
Genocide Forge > who the russians?
Renturu > and many others
Genocide Forge > i love target rich environments
Genocide Forge > to obad hte ruskies wont be getting up very soon
Genocide Forge > we'll be pushing on now
Club Williams > fly safe!

At least he didn’t criticize my spelling. Bryan Havoc does have an impressive KB, he seems especially good at blobbing people in Hi Sec.

A new dawn for men

I have finished my RL transition and am back in EVE, thank you for bearing with me through some guest posters. They did a wonderful job and thank you, but its time to get back into the shit. to recap the time before i went AWOL for a month or two. I killed a Tengu, Cyclone and a Myrm... it was sweet, the stories were typical holies being to confident in their isolation.

More importantly I am back playing, and many thanks should go to HevyDevy II for making my return very eventful. I had just logged in when HDII reported a tower with its shields off and numerous ships floating in space. After a frantic flight out we managed to steal a faction fit Zealot (~200M total) and a T2 fit Ishkur before we pop'd about 10 T1's we were too lazy to steal and sell.

I am so happy to see my boys have been hard at work honing their skills making these opportunities a possibility. So if you woke up and all your shit was gone from your tower... dude refuel it.

We’ve always been at war with Holies

[Kiritsubo; reporting from the Minitrue offices in Dodixie]

Ritual Suicide is excited to announce we have joined Tear Extraction and Reclamation Service [TEARS]. Best known for their core organization Suddenly Ninjas we look forward to teaming with them in expanding our Happiness stealing opportunities.

Look for us in your mission, your asteroid belt and your wormhole, remember:

GENOCIDE MACHINE IS WATCHING YOU!

Call me Ishmael

[Kiritsubo, by NeoCom from somewhere in Unknown Space]

Some days ago, like 5 days, I camped a fresh wormhole in Rens while being thoroughly entertained by Alliance Tournament 8. I ran down a few connected holes but found no Holies active and settled in on the J-Space side.

Early on a Rupture entered and started pooping scan probes while sitting on the hole. I waited a bit, but impatience got the better of me and I opened up with torps. Our subject jumped back through to high sec. Little did I suspect that his brief exposure to J radiation had already been deadly.

A short time later he returned in a Rifter, I watched as he sat stationary for some time then warped off into the system proper. I was unable to track him down via D-scan but a Rifter wreck did appear on scan eventually. He didn’t fly into the resident POS so I’m still a bit confused as to how he died.

Sadder but none the wiser our subject returned an hour later in his Rupture. This time I held my fire until he cleared the hole and watched him warp towards planet 1. I came in at about 70km, which put him at 0 and stationary. The slowly approached under cover of cloak and started spewing white hot murder at 18km. He got his guns going on me and I was down to 80% armor, but he had his fill of my secret sauce. His pod also yielded up its nougaty center.

After the combat I noticed the Local tab blinking and had this bit of wit from our subject:

[ 2010.06.19 19:57:57 ] Newbeans > I am in your ish

Not only had J-Space robbed him of his sense of self-preservation his command of the English language was rapidly disappearing.

Holies do the Darnedest Things (part 2)

*Today's guest contributor is Kiritsubo*

Our heroes, having tasted bitter disappointment, traveled up to recheck our first hole before calling it a night. A quick D-scan revealed another Prowler, located in the vicinity of a POS we had previously bookmarked. I warped over to see with my little eye a Prowler puttering around the gun emplacement beneath the station.

The extreme isolation of J Space had claimed another victim. Well, natural selection would teach all the involved parties’ valuable lessons this day.

Nerbert and I warped to 25 on our victim, dropped bombs and opened up with torpedoes. The Prowler exploded quickly and Nerbert exercised the better part of valor by warping out. I stuck around for the pod kill.

Being an avid corpse collector, I approached to scoop his remains. Unfortunately when my transverse velocity dropped the gun battery turned my shiny Hound into so much superheated plasma.

The gods smiled on me though and most of fittings dropped. Nerbert was able to recover my gear and I quickly fit a new bomber and was able to retrieve Cherilyn’s corpse without further incident.

As promised our story has a moral:

1) Don’t do POS maintenance in a ship whose chief attribute is its CovOps cloak.
2) Don’t be greedy. It gets your ass blown up.
3) Don’t ask Kiritubo what he does with the corpses.

~With apologies to Art Linkletter.

Holies do the Darnedest Things (part 1)

*Today's guest contributor is Kiritsubo*

For the experienced naturalist it is well known that long term exposure to wormhole radiation induces bizarre behavior. On a spontaneous Saturday night roam Nerbert and I encountered several fascinating examples of Holies in their native environment.

Going down from Odatrik our first J system had a few POSes but no active players. Nerbert probed for other holes while I D-scanned all the POSes. Finding another hole we proceeded down further. Our initial D-scan showed a Prowler and some POS rubbish. I quickly got eyes on both stations and saw that the Prowler was not at either.

At about this point we think he saw Nerbert’s scan probes and cloaked up. No big, he finishes the scan and we go down another hole. The third system was uninhabited; we probe a bit and find an exit up to low sec. A dead end so we head back up the wormhole chain.

A quick D-scan shows the Prowler active again and we had narrowed down his location enough the first time through probe him without alerting. Nerbert warped in to get eyes on him and attempted to describe the scene. What followed was a jumble to verbs and nouns that made little sense; I had to warp in myself to appraise the situation. Sitting from our vantage point were a dozen Small Secure Containers strung out roughly a few hundred kilometers from each other, two Small Mobile Warp Disruptors and an uncloaked Prowler, piloted by Alia Ravenswing, CEO of Dark Hat, warping randomly (?) between the cans.

The screen captures don’t do justice to this baffling artifact.

Nerbert and I quickly discussed what the possible uses for such an arrangement could be and the sociological implications of this savage dance. A mating ritual, some attempt to propitiate the local deity or a trap for the unwary anthropologist? As the untimely warning of Admiral Ackbar’s screamed in our heads we decided to engage. We warped to 30 on the can to which our subject was closest and attacked. To disappointing results.

Nerbert’s bomb launched successfully, but mine was fumbled due to some recent changes I’d made to the UI. The Prowler cloaked up immediately after we uncloaked, but was briefly de-cloaked by the bomb as he warped to a POS. We quickly got eyes on the POS and showed him ejecting Battlecruiser, Strat Cruisers and other ships from a hanger. This puffer fish response may be a natural reaction to ward off predators; our subject did have the sense to jump in a Loki fitted with CovOps sub-system.

We stuck around awhile longer observing the Loki travel through the up hole a few times, revisit his space totem and finally return to the POS. All the ejected ships were arduously returned to the hanger and the subject logged off.

The meaning of all this furious green activity will be for future generations to puzzle over and study. All I know is we got a serious case of blue balls.

Gentle reader, if you are still with us, please be assured that part 2 of our story will contain blood.

Double trouble

Today's post is actually a guest speaker, our newest up and coming WH roamer nerbet,

On the feast or famine scale, I had definitely been caught in a bit of a famine. In the past week, I had only chalked up a T1 frig kill. To make matters worse, I had lost a bomber due to my sometimes over-aggressive nature.

Tonight started like most. I warped to a planet and dropped probes, taking notice of a Thrasher also pumping probes about 100k from me (apparently he likes to warp to zero… important observation). I assumed we’d see each other later. I quickly probed down a hole and perused the Thrasher pilot’s info on my way there. I jumped my main in to scout the system and left my alt outside for surveillance. About the time my main got to the outer planet and called the system clear, the thrasher showed up outside the hole and jumped through. I warped back to the exit hole in time to observe the Thrasher warp off to planet VI. Knowing he likes to warp to zero, I warped to twenty. As expected, he was pooping probes. I uncloaked, engaged the disruptor and painter, and unloaded on him. He went down relatively quickly, as did his pod.

I chatted up the kill to the corp members, wondering why a 5 year old character would be probing a wormhole in a looting destroyer. I would have my answer soon enough. I spent the next hour probing through the wormhole complex with no action. On my way back to Hi Sec, I noticed a heron on scan in the first hole. It was my friend from the Thrasher, but this time he didn’t stay put long enough to get a bead on him. He eventually left after bouncing around in the system for a while.

Another twenty minutes went by and he showed up again, but this time he was in a Rohk and toting an alt in a Maelstrom. They hung at the exit hole for a while and warped off to a sleeper site. They were still on scan so I found them quickly. Knowing I was outgunned, I sounded the alarm in the corp channel. Kiritsubo, having more experience than me against larger ships felt the Rohk would go down easy, even with bombers so he showed up. They were looting as they went so we decided to wait until they were on the last wreck and primary the Rohk. On signal, we warped to 30… well, I tried. In a hurry I selected the Rohk instead of the wreck, which delayed my warp. By the time I got there, Kiritsubo had already dropped the bomb and moved inside my bomb radius so I just locked up and started launching torps while I closed to point range. Within seconds the battleship warped off… huh? In an attempt to disengage his overheat, Kiritsubo disabled his disruptor by accident (we later found out the Rohk had fit a stab so it may not have mattered).

Feeling like a couple of newbs out for our first kill, we warped off with our tail between our legs. Discouraged, we decided to scout back through the complex in case anyone had shown up in the deeper systems. When we reached the last system, I started probing deeper and Kiritsubo went back to scout the first system again. Unbelievably, they were back running another site.

After a good deal of time watching and waiting, we applied the lessons learned from our earlier folly. We warped to 30, simultaneously dropped the bomb, and commenced with the aggregate 900-1000 dps. I’m sure he was spamming warp on both ships, but the Rohk was pinned. The Maelstrom left him all alone. He targeted me back; as did the two remaining sleepers in the site (they appeared to give up on them, which is why we didn’t wait). About the time the Rohk popped, I was boogying for the planet I was aligned to. Kiritsubo, having avoided any aggro to this point, managed to get his pod and then also warped off. Somehow, while my armor was melting away, I retained enough presence of mind to BM the wreck in my warp off. After my shields recharged I was able to get my main and my alt in to loot the wreck before the sleepers did too much damage.

What a hunt! Did this guy really come back to run sites in the same system he was just podded in? And then again after two bombers attempted to hijack him? With a decent fit, he probably could have fared much better. Notice he is sporting cruise missile launchers on a gun boat… standard T1’s at that. Not even a Ballistic Control mod fitted. And then a scrambler??? Pointless. Anything moving inside 7500m on a battleship is going to have the legs to get back outside point range. I could go on, but clearly this guy is in need of some help. As has been pointed out in this blog before, every new player needs a mentor… otherwise they become old players that need a mentor.

Kiritsubo runs a profitable ninja looting “service.” For kicks, he sent our victim an invoice for “services rendered.” The following exchange takes place over eve-mail:

----------

Dear Valued Customer,

Thank you for choosing Ritual Suicide as your service provider. We have already dispatched an agent to your location to assist in the fulfillment of your operational parameters. If you have any questions regarding Ritual Suicide services please contact your Customer Representative, Kiritsubo.

An invoice will be sent after completion of this project.

Regards,

Kiritsubo

ha ha ha witty. I like mostly the fact that you send the funny emails after the kill cos u dont do shit damage nerbert does the hard part.
Brag when you have something to brag about lol

[edit: Difference in damage delivered was due to damage types, not skill level as alluded to by our friend]

???? huh nothing? maybe you dont even write the funny emails? shhh,
ask nerbet he'll do it for you i wont tell!

Dear Valued Customer,

Ritual Suicide is excited to announce the successful fulfillment of all operational parameters. Your invoice has been adjusted to reflect the difficult nature of the project.

Customer: Exnon
Corporation: Minmatar Freedom Revolutionists
Alliance: n/a
System: J112137
Invoice Reference #: 0029
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Service Quantity Service Fee Line Total
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
X Ritual Suicide Specialist(s): 3 10,000,000 30,000,000
Service Type: --- --- ---
Deficient Mission Completion: 4,000,000
Salvage Removal: 1,000,000 2,000,000
X Non-Consensual Looting: 1 2,000,000
Ore Canister Reversal: 1,000,000
Wormhole Operating Licenses: --- --- ---
Individual: 20,000,000
Corporation: 200,000,000
X Other Services (by contract): --- 5,000,000
X Deep Space Triangulation: 1 1,000,000 1,000,000
X Hazard Assessment (Sec Status – 2): 0.0 2,000,000 4,000,000
X Wormhole Surcharge: --- 2,000,000 2,000,000
Asset Allocation: --- --- ---
X Frigate: 3 500,000 1,500,000
Destroyer: 500,000
Cruiser: 1,000,000
Battlecruiser: 1,500,000
Battleship: 2,000,000
Capital Ship: 10,000,000
X (Tech II Surcharge): 3 3,000,000 9,000,000
X Hardware Depreciation: 3 500,000 1,500,000
X Ammunition: 1000 500 500,000
Accidental Aggression: 2,000,000
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subtotal: 56,500,000
Concord Taxes (1.05): 2,825,000
Final Total: 59,325,000

Please direct any questions regarding your invoice to your Ritual Suicide Customer Service Representative. Payment on your invoice can be made directly to the Ritual Suicide corporate entity. We would like to remind our customers that your agent is prohibited from accepting gratuities, goods or items.

The satisfaction of our customers is paramount and we look forward to partnering with you on future projects. Thank you again for choosing Ritual Suicide.

Regards,

Kiritsubo

oh oh another generic email! do u do anything youself? you dont do shit damage and u dont even write your own mail!?!

Dear Valued Customer,

Thank you for your feedback. Your Ritual Suicide agents work as a team to maximize efficiency. In recognition of your valuable contribution please use the offer code "Genji" when remitting payment.

Regards,

Kiritsubo