[Kiritsubo; reporting from the Minitrue offices in Dodixie]
Ritual Suicide is excited to announce we have joined Tear Extraction and Reclamation Service [TEARS]. Best known for their core organization Suddenly Ninjas we look forward to teaming with them in expanding our Happiness stealing opportunities.
Look for us in your mission, your asteroid belt and your wormhole, remember:
GENOCIDE MACHINE IS WATCHING YOU!
Friday, July 2, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Call me Ishmael
[Kiritsubo, by NeoCom from somewhere in Unknown Space]
Some days ago, like 5 days, I camped a fresh wormhole in Rens while being thoroughly entertained by Alliance Tournament 8. I ran down a few connected holes but found no Holies active and settled in on the J-Space side.
Early on a Rupture entered and started pooping scan probes while sitting on the hole. I waited a bit, but impatience got the better of me and I opened up with torps. Our subject jumped back through to high sec. Little did I suspect that his brief exposure to J radiation had already been deadly.
A short time later he returned in a Rifter, I watched as he sat stationary for some time then warped off into the system proper. I was unable to track him down via D-scan but a Rifter wreck did appear on scan eventually. He didn’t fly into the resident POS so I’m still a bit confused as to how he died.
Sadder but none the wiser our subject returned an hour later in his Rupture. This time I held my fire until he cleared the hole and watched him warp towards planet 1. I came in at about 70km, which put him at 0 and stationary. The slowly approached under cover of cloak and started spewing white hot murder at 18km. He got his guns going on me and I was down to 80% armor, but he had his fill of my secret sauce. His pod also yielded up its nougaty center.
After the combat I noticed the Local tab blinking and had this bit of wit from our subject:
[ 2010.06.19 19:57:57 ] Newbeans > I am in your ish
Not only had J-Space robbed him of his sense of self-preservation his command of the English language was rapidly disappearing.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Holies do the Darnedest Things (part 2)
*Today's guest contributor is Kiritsubo*
Our heroes, having tasted bitter disappointment, traveled up to recheck our first hole before calling it a night. A quick D-scan revealed another Prowler, located in the vicinity of a POS we had previously bookmarked. I warped over to see with my little eye a Prowler puttering around the gun emplacement beneath the station.
The extreme isolation of J Space had claimed another victim. Well, natural selection would teach all the involved parties’ valuable lessons this day.
Nerbert and I warped to 25 on our victim, dropped bombs and opened up with torpedoes. The Prowler exploded quickly and Nerbert exercised the better part of valor by warping out. I stuck around for the pod kill.
Being an avid corpse collector, I approached to scoop his remains. Unfortunately when my transverse velocity dropped the gun battery turned my shiny Hound into so much superheated plasma.
The gods smiled on me though and most of fittings dropped. Nerbert was able to recover my gear and I quickly fit a new bomber and was able to retrieve Cherilyn’s corpse without further incident.
As promised our story has a moral:
1) Don’t do POS maintenance in a ship whose chief attribute is its CovOps cloak.
2) Don’t be greedy. It gets your ass blown up.
3) Don’t ask Kiritubo what he does with the corpses.
~With apologies to Art Linkletter.
Our heroes, having tasted bitter disappointment, traveled up to recheck our first hole before calling it a night. A quick D-scan revealed another Prowler, located in the vicinity of a POS we had previously bookmarked. I warped over to see with my little eye a Prowler puttering around the gun emplacement beneath the station.
The extreme isolation of J Space had claimed another victim. Well, natural selection would teach all the involved parties’ valuable lessons this day.
Nerbert and I warped to 25 on our victim, dropped bombs and opened up with torpedoes. The Prowler exploded quickly and Nerbert exercised the better part of valor by warping out. I stuck around for the pod kill.
Being an avid corpse collector, I approached to scoop his remains. Unfortunately when my transverse velocity dropped the gun battery turned my shiny Hound into so much superheated plasma.
The gods smiled on me though and most of fittings dropped. Nerbert was able to recover my gear and I quickly fit a new bomber and was able to retrieve Cherilyn’s corpse without further incident.
As promised our story has a moral:
1) Don’t do POS maintenance in a ship whose chief attribute is its CovOps cloak.
2) Don’t be greedy. It gets your ass blown up.
3) Don’t ask Kiritubo what he does with the corpses.
~With apologies to Art Linkletter.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Holies do the Darnedest Things (part 1)
*Today's guest contributor is Kiritsubo*
Nerbert and I quickly discussed what the possible uses for such an arrangement could be and the sociological implications of this savage dance. A mating ritual, some attempt to propitiate the local deity or a trap for the unwary anthropologist? As the untimely warning of Admiral Ackbar’s screamed in our heads we decided to engage. We warped to 30 on the can to which our subject was closest and attacked. To disappointing results.
Nerbert’s bomb launched successfully, but mine was fumbled due to some recent changes I’d made to the UI. The Prowler cloaked up immediately after we uncloaked, but was briefly de-cloaked by the bomb as he warped to a POS. We quickly got eyes on the POS and showed him ejecting Battlecruiser, Strat Cruisers and other ships from a hanger. This puffer fish response may be a natural reaction to ward off predators; our subject did have the sense to jump in a Loki fitted with CovOps sub-system.
We stuck around awhile longer observing the Loki travel through the up hole a few times, revisit his space totem and finally return to the POS. All the ejected ships were arduously returned to the hanger and the subject logged off.
The meaning of all this furious green activity will be for future generations to puzzle over and study. All I know is we got a serious case of blue balls.
Gentle reader, if you are still with us, please be assured that part 2 of our story will contain blood.
For the experienced naturalist it is well known that long term exposure to wormhole radiation induces bizarre behavior. On a spontaneous Saturday night roam Nerbert and I encountered several fascinating examples of Holies in their native environment.
Going down from Odatrik our first J system had a few POSes but no active players. Nerbert probed for other holes while I D-scanned all the POSes. Finding another hole we proceeded down further. Our initial D-scan showed a Prowler and some POS rubbish. I quickly got eyes on both stations and saw that the Prowler was not at either.
At about this point we think he saw Nerbert’s scan probes and cloaked up. No big, he finishes the scan and we go down another hole. The third system was uninhabited; we probe a bit and find an exit up to low sec. A dead end so we head back up the wormhole chain.
A quick D-scan shows the Prowler active again and we had narrowed down his location enough the first time through probe him without alerting. Nerbert warped in to get eyes on him and attempted to describe the scene. What followed was a jumble to verbs and nouns that made little sense; I had to warp in myself to appraise the situation. Sitting from our vantage point were a dozen Small Secure Containers strung out roughly a few hundred kilometers from each other, two Small Mobile Warp Disruptors and an uncloaked Prowler, piloted by Alia Ravenswing, CEO of Dark Hat, warping randomly (?) between the cans.
The screen captures don’t do justice to this baffling artifact.
Going down from Odatrik our first J system had a few POSes but no active players. Nerbert probed for other holes while I D-scanned all the POSes. Finding another hole we proceeded down further. Our initial D-scan showed a Prowler and some POS rubbish. I quickly got eyes on both stations and saw that the Prowler was not at either.
At about this point we think he saw Nerbert’s scan probes and cloaked up. No big, he finishes the scan and we go down another hole. The third system was uninhabited; we probe a bit and find an exit up to low sec. A dead end so we head back up the wormhole chain.
A quick D-scan shows the Prowler active again and we had narrowed down his location enough the first time through probe him without alerting. Nerbert warped in to get eyes on him and attempted to describe the scene. What followed was a jumble to verbs and nouns that made little sense; I had to warp in myself to appraise the situation. Sitting from our vantage point were a dozen Small Secure Containers strung out roughly a few hundred kilometers from each other, two Small Mobile Warp Disruptors and an uncloaked Prowler, piloted by Alia Ravenswing, CEO of Dark Hat, warping randomly (?) between the cans.
The screen captures don’t do justice to this baffling artifact.
Nerbert and I quickly discussed what the possible uses for such an arrangement could be and the sociological implications of this savage dance. A mating ritual, some attempt to propitiate the local deity or a trap for the unwary anthropologist? As the untimely warning of Admiral Ackbar’s screamed in our heads we decided to engage. We warped to 30 on the can to which our subject was closest and attacked. To disappointing results.
Nerbert’s bomb launched successfully, but mine was fumbled due to some recent changes I’d made to the UI. The Prowler cloaked up immediately after we uncloaked, but was briefly de-cloaked by the bomb as he warped to a POS. We quickly got eyes on the POS and showed him ejecting Battlecruiser, Strat Cruisers and other ships from a hanger. This puffer fish response may be a natural reaction to ward off predators; our subject did have the sense to jump in a Loki fitted with CovOps sub-system.
We stuck around awhile longer observing the Loki travel through the up hole a few times, revisit his space totem and finally return to the POS. All the ejected ships were arduously returned to the hanger and the subject logged off.
The meaning of all this furious green activity will be for future generations to puzzle over and study. All I know is we got a serious case of blue balls.
Gentle reader, if you are still with us, please be assured that part 2 of our story will contain blood.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Double trouble
Today's post is actually a guest speaker, our newest up and coming WH roamer nerbet,
On the feast or famine scale, I had definitely been caught in a bit of a famine. In the past week, I had only chalked up a T1 frig kill. To make matters worse, I had lost a bomber due to my sometimes over-aggressive nature.
On the feast or famine scale, I had definitely been caught in a bit of a famine. In the past week, I had only chalked up a T1 frig kill. To make matters worse, I had lost a bomber due to my sometimes over-aggressive nature.
Tonight started like most. I warped to a planet and dropped probes, taking notice of a Thrasher also pumping probes about 100k from me (apparently he likes to warp to zero… important observation). I assumed we’d see each other later. I quickly probed down a hole and perused the Thrasher pilot’s info on my way there. I jumped my main in to scout the system and left my alt outside for surveillance. About the time my main got to the outer planet and called the system clear, the thrasher showed up outside the hole and jumped through. I warped back to the exit hole in time to observe the Thrasher warp off to planet VI. Knowing he likes to warp to zero, I warped to twenty. As expected, he was pooping probes. I uncloaked, engaged the disruptor and painter, and unloaded on him. He went down relatively quickly, as did his pod.
I chatted up the kill to the corp members, wondering why a 5 year old character would be probing a wormhole in a looting destroyer. I would have my answer soon enough. I spent the next hour probing through the wormhole complex with no action. On my way back to Hi Sec, I noticed a heron on scan in the first hole. It was my friend from the Thrasher, but this time he didn’t stay put long enough to get a bead on him. He eventually left after bouncing around in the system for a while.
Another twenty minutes went by and he showed up again, but this time he was in a Rohk and toting an alt in a Maelstrom. They hung at the exit hole for a while and warped off to a sleeper site. They were still on scan so I found them quickly. Knowing I was outgunned, I sounded the alarm in the corp channel. Kiritsubo, having more experience than me against larger ships felt the Rohk would go down easy, even with bombers so he showed up. They were looting as they went so we decided to wait until they were on the last wreck and primary the Rohk. On signal, we warped to 30… well, I tried. In a hurry I selected the Rohk instead of the wreck, which delayed my warp. By the time I got there, Kiritsubo had already dropped the bomb and moved inside my bomb radius so I just locked up and started launching torps while I closed to point range. Within seconds the battleship warped off… huh? In an attempt to disengage his overheat, Kiritsubo disabled his disruptor by accident (we later found out the Rohk had fit a stab so it may not have mattered).
Feeling like a couple of newbs out for our first kill, we warped off with our tail between our legs. Discouraged, we decided to scout back through the complex in case anyone had shown up in the deeper systems. When we reached the last system, I started probing deeper and Kiritsubo went back to scout the first system again. Unbelievably, they were back running another site.
After a good deal of time watching and waiting, we applied the lessons learned from our earlier folly. We warped to 30, simultaneously dropped the bomb, and commenced with the aggregate 900-1000 dps. I’m sure he was spamming warp on both ships, but the Rohk was pinned. The Maelstrom left him all alone. He targeted me back; as did the two remaining sleepers in the site (they appeared to give up on them, which is why we didn’t wait). About the time the Rohk popped, I was boogying for the planet I was aligned to. Kiritsubo, having avoided any aggro to this point, managed to get his pod and then also warped off. Somehow, while my armor was melting away, I retained enough presence of mind to BM the wreck in my warp off. After my shields recharged I was able to get my main and my alt in to loot the wreck before the sleepers did too much damage.
What a hunt! Did this guy really come back to run sites in the same system he was just podded in? And then again after two bombers attempted to hijack him? With a decent fit, he probably could have fared much better. Notice he is sporting cruise missile launchers on a gun boat… standard T1’s at that. Not even a Ballistic Control mod fitted. And then a scrambler??? Pointless. Anything moving inside 7500m on a battleship is going to have the legs to get back outside point range. I could go on, but clearly this guy is in need of some help. As has been pointed out in this blog before, every new player needs a mentor… otherwise they become old players that need a mentor.
Kiritsubo runs a profitable ninja looting “service.” For kicks, he sent our victim an invoice for “services rendered.” The following exchange takes place over eve-mail:
----------
Dear Valued Customer,
Thank you for choosing Ritual Suicide as your service provider. We have already dispatched an agent to your location to assist in the fulfillment of your operational parameters. If you have any questions regarding Ritual Suicide services please contact your Customer Representative, Kiritsubo.
An invoice will be sent after completion of this project.
Regards,
Kiritsubo
ha ha ha witty. I like mostly the fact that you send the funny emails after the kill cos u dont do shit damage nerbert does the hard part.
Brag when you have something to brag about lol
[edit: Difference in damage delivered was due to damage types, not skill level as alluded to by our friend]
???? huh nothing? maybe you dont even write the funny emails? shhh,
ask nerbet he'll do it for you i wont tell!
Dear Valued Customer,
Ritual Suicide is excited to announce the successful fulfillment of all operational parameters. Your invoice has been adjusted to reflect the difficult nature of the project.
Customer: Exnon
Corporation: Minmatar Freedom Revolutionists
Alliance: n/a
System: J112137
Invoice Reference #: 0029
------------------------------
Service Quantity Service Fee Line Total
------------------------------
X Ritual Suicide Specialist(s): 3 10,000,000 30,000,000
Service Type: --- --- ---
Deficient Mission Completion: 4,000,000
Salvage Removal: 1,000,000 2,000,000
X Non-Consensual Looting: 1 2,000,000
Ore Canister Reversal: 1,000,000
Wormhole Operating Licenses: --- --- ---
Individual: 20,000,000
Corporation: 200,000,000
X Other Services (by contract): --- 5,000,000
X Deep Space Triangulation: 1 1,000,000 1,000,000
X Hazard Assessment (Sec Status – 2): 0.0 2,000,000 4,000,000
X Wormhole Surcharge: --- 2,000,000 2,000,000
Asset Allocation: --- --- ---
X Frigate: 3 500,000 1,500,000
Destroyer: 500,000
Cruiser: 1,000,000
Battlecruiser: 1,500,000
Battleship: 2,000,000
Capital Ship: 10,000,000
X (Tech II Surcharge): 3 3,000,000 9,000,000
X Hardware Depreciation: 3 500,000 1,500,000
X Ammunition: 1000 500 500,000
Accidental Aggression: 2,000,000
------------------------------
Subtotal: 56,500,000
Concord Taxes (1.05): 2,825,000
Final Total: 59,325,000
Please direct any questions regarding your invoice to your Ritual Suicide Customer Service Representative. Payment on your invoice can be made directly to the Ritual Suicide corporate entity. We would like to remind our customers that your agent is prohibited from accepting gratuities, goods or items.
The satisfaction of our customers is paramount and we look forward to partnering with you on future projects. Thank you again for choosing Ritual Suicide.
Regards,
Kiritsubo
oh oh another generic email! do u do anything youself? you dont do shit damage and u dont even write your own mail!?!
Dear Valued Customer,
Thank you for your feedback. Your Ritual Suicide agents work as a team to maximize efficiency. In recognition of your valuable contribution please use the offer code "Genji" when remitting payment.
Regards,
Kiritsubo
Monday, May 17, 2010
Brockness monster
Hunting in wormholes is often feast or famine, honestly most of the times it famine with a few tasty morsels you come across, but recently it truly was a feast, a bloody, bloody feast. My wingman had located a cruiser and dominix. He had eliminated the cruiser before I showed up, but the dominix was in a site and he waited for me to show up in my typhoon. When I showed up in the hole, he had not popped the wreck, which had been on scan for the dominix for about 20 minutes. We got a warp-in on the dominix mid fight and made short work of him. Normally I’d go into a bit of philosophy, but I’m not even close to finish.
It turns out a few jumps over the pilot of the earlier cruiser and his buddies were poking around in tech one frigs and a cruiser. We showed up and started playing cat and mouse. I switched to my hurricane to fit through the hole and another wingman showed up. As we were trying to catch the guys on a timer or at a planet I noticed that there was a wolf on scan at a safe spot. Eventually I concluded he was worth pursuing and I combat probed him. I warped in cloaked and he was stationary uncloaked at a safe spot. The pilot was Ushra’Khan, whom I have a profound respect for after living in Catch/Providence for a few months. I suspected a trap of some sort, but decided to bite. I warped in with my hurricane and he cloaked immediately. Knowing he wasn’t moving I warped off and warped to 0 on his old scan hit. Sure enough he hadn’t moved and I uncloaked him, then I killed him.
I warped back to the exit hole at about 20km to be greeted by a cynabal at the hole. Presuming he was going to run through the hole I started to burn towards him when he started burning towards me, knowing I had two cloakers around I moved away from the hole and disrupted him. I suspected his buddies at any time, but he went down quick. Just as he popped a Drake from his alliance showed up out of warp and engaged. After a botched warp out and return we dispatched him as well. We looted the wrecks and decided to call it a night, as I left we noticed a small gathering of ships outside of the alliance we had just greased. We politely left and gave them the courtesy of burial rights on the two corpses.
One night with four combat ship kills, it was awesome. What were these guys thinking? Here are a few really good pointers, 1) Leave wrecks on in your overview for wormholes, it gives a great indicator via scan what is going on. It is completely inexcusable to go 20 minutes and not notice a fresh kill lingering by a wormhole. 2) You are far from untouchable while running a sleeper site, sleepers may retarget and do a lot of damage, but a decent buffer tank will last long enough for my omfgdiarrheadps to kill you. 3) After you cloak, move somewhere it’s as simple as that, just drive in a random direction. 4) Don’t engage people without a warp disruptor (cynabal), what do you expect to do? 5) Don’t engage targets that are very likely out of your class with no escape plan. 350M faction cruiser versus my 60M hurricane… bring it on. 6) Don’t engage people without a warp disruptor (drake), what do you expect to do? 7) Don’t active tank a drake.
I’m no pvp champ, but I think that’s all pretty good advice.
It turns out a few jumps over the pilot of the earlier cruiser and his buddies were poking around in tech one frigs and a cruiser. We showed up and started playing cat and mouse. I switched to my hurricane to fit through the hole and another wingman showed up. As we were trying to catch the guys on a timer or at a planet I noticed that there was a wolf on scan at a safe spot. Eventually I concluded he was worth pursuing and I combat probed him. I warped in cloaked and he was stationary uncloaked at a safe spot. The pilot was Ushra’Khan, whom I have a profound respect for after living in Catch/Providence for a few months. I suspected a trap of some sort, but decided to bite. I warped in with my hurricane and he cloaked immediately. Knowing he wasn’t moving I warped off and warped to 0 on his old scan hit. Sure enough he hadn’t moved and I uncloaked him, then I killed him.
I warped back to the exit hole at about 20km to be greeted by a cynabal at the hole. Presuming he was going to run through the hole I started to burn towards him when he started burning towards me, knowing I had two cloakers around I moved away from the hole and disrupted him. I suspected his buddies at any time, but he went down quick. Just as he popped a Drake from his alliance showed up out of warp and engaged. After a botched warp out and return we dispatched him as well. We looted the wrecks and decided to call it a night, as I left we noticed a small gathering of ships outside of the alliance we had just greased. We politely left and gave them the courtesy of burial rights on the two corpses.
One night with four combat ship kills, it was awesome. What were these guys thinking? Here are a few really good pointers, 1) Leave wrecks on in your overview for wormholes, it gives a great indicator via scan what is going on. It is completely inexcusable to go 20 minutes and not notice a fresh kill lingering by a wormhole. 2) You are far from untouchable while running a sleeper site, sleepers may retarget and do a lot of damage, but a decent buffer tank will last long enough for my omfgdiarrheadps to kill you. 3) After you cloak, move somewhere it’s as simple as that, just drive in a random direction. 4) Don’t engage people without a warp disruptor (cynabal), what do you expect to do? 5) Don’t engage targets that are very likely out of your class with no escape plan. 350M faction cruiser versus my 60M hurricane… bring it on. 6) Don’t engage people without a warp disruptor (drake), what do you expect to do? 7) Don’t active tank a drake.
I’m no pvp champ, but I think that’s all pretty good advice.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
And then there were four
In four days I have managed to fall behind with 8 kills to post. Amazingly enough they are all great stories too, so here goes.
We had a hole probed close to home and 4 of us on when I stumbled across a hole with a few Dominix on and a Loki. We fleeted up into BCs and BSs and prepared to engage at the time two Dominix and a Loki. We warped in on them, but by sheer coincidence they warped off a the same time and we all scrambled to get back through the wormhole and off scan. In the confusion, Kiritsubo warped to 0 on planet one because he didn’t have the exit hole. I happened to warp to 100 to check the inner planets and one very unfortunate cloaked prober was already sitting at 0. Kiritsubo uncloaked the frig as he came out of warp and made short work of him. He warped off to the exit and I looted and salvaged the frig. In the meanwhile the dominix had grown to 4 and with the loki were running a magnetometric site. The domis were all remote repping about 60km from the site center while the loki looted the boxes clustered in the center about 50km from the domis. It was the perfect time to pounce and we all warped right on top of the loki. The domis could do nothing but watch the loki be cut to pieces, which was the best part. They completely conceded the loss and in fact never even stopped running the site, concluding that we would likely not engage four RR domis, they were right.
Finally a tech 3 kill that was a bit of a challenge. From my previous posts you know that I love killing ships while others stand watch or know I’m around. I don’t think these guys knew we were around, its pretty cocky to keep out like that knowing there is someone snooping around. It surprises me that 5 pilots never noticed us come into the system, combat probe them, botch a warp in attempt, warp to the inners uncloaked, kill loot and salvage a ship, and then exit. Regardless, It was a great kill.
Then we killed a mining cruiser… boring.
We had a hole probed close to home and 4 of us on when I stumbled across a hole with a few Dominix on and a Loki. We fleeted up into BCs and BSs and prepared to engage at the time two Dominix and a Loki. We warped in on them, but by sheer coincidence they warped off a the same time and we all scrambled to get back through the wormhole and off scan. In the confusion, Kiritsubo warped to 0 on planet one because he didn’t have the exit hole. I happened to warp to 100 to check the inner planets and one very unfortunate cloaked prober was already sitting at 0. Kiritsubo uncloaked the frig as he came out of warp and made short work of him. He warped off to the exit and I looted and salvaged the frig. In the meanwhile the dominix had grown to 4 and with the loki were running a magnetometric site. The domis were all remote repping about 60km from the site center while the loki looted the boxes clustered in the center about 50km from the domis. It was the perfect time to pounce and we all warped right on top of the loki. The domis could do nothing but watch the loki be cut to pieces, which was the best part. They completely conceded the loss and in fact never even stopped running the site, concluding that we would likely not engage four RR domis, they were right.
Finally a tech 3 kill that was a bit of a challenge. From my previous posts you know that I love killing ships while others stand watch or know I’m around. I don’t think these guys knew we were around, its pretty cocky to keep out like that knowing there is someone snooping around. It surprises me that 5 pilots never noticed us come into the system, combat probe them, botch a warp in attempt, warp to the inners uncloaked, kill loot and salvage a ship, and then exit. Regardless, It was a great kill.
Then we killed a mining cruiser… boring.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
